The Fear of the New Sketchbook (and what to do about it)
Once upon a time, I had a very big collection of unused sketchbooks. I would pick them up in art stores, and order them online, smoothing their covers and admiring the many pages of beautiful paper inside. I would convince myself that this was the one, that I’d fill it with amazing things, and create a masterpiece that I would turn into a printed book one day.
And the sketchbooks stayed in their wrappers, and firmly on the shelf. Untouched, and unused.
Would you like to know why?
It was because I was terrified of that first blank page! Opening the cover to reveal pure white, immaculate watercolour paper, delicately textured and oh, so alluring. Making any kind of art on that first page became an obstacle that I simply could not overcome, the thought of making a mark mess on such pristine paper and - shock - RUINING IT - was too much to bear. What? A MISTAKE??? No, nope, never, can’t do it.
It’s not as if I didn’t have ideas, I had plenty. But I also had expectations. Ridiculously high ones.
I yearned for my sketchbooks to be like those works of art we see on Instagram, with page upon page of beautiful mixed media paintings that could be framed and enjoyed on a wall, each one a delight and a joy. Despite my best efforts, mine would inadvertently become blobbed with paint smudges, calligraphy pens would leach balloons of fresh ink into huge dark puddles and the drawing I did when I was a bit tired would turn out wrong, or I’d sit a coffee mug on the page leaving a circular brown stain, therefore ruining the entire book.
For quite a few years I had sketchbooks with just a few pages of art in them laid to rest in a drawer, the remaining blank pages abandoned because of one discrepancy.
As much as I love to admire those sketchbooks by other artists, I know that I am much happier using mine as a place to play and explore. This realisation took me a while to admit to, and yet it immediately takes the pressure off creating something perfect in them, allowing you to use them as a working tool for reference and to develop ideas.
Here are some solutions that might help you, if you feel the same way about your sketchbook:
Turn over the first page if it feels too daunting, and start on the second one. It actually works, and you must try it if you suffer from the same debilitating issues as I used to.
Tear a page out. If you’ve spilt your paint water all over the page or really don’t like what you’ve done, rip it out. It’s really not that big a deal - try it.
Remember that your sketchbook is for YOU - you do not have to share the interior of your sketchbook with anyone, either in person or on the internet if you don’t want to. Creating without the image of an audience in mind can also be extremely liberating.
Stop comparing what you’re doing with what they’re doing. I say this a lot, but comparison is the thief of joy and if what someone else is creating makes you feel inferior in any way at all, stop looking, mute or delete.
I actually started a brand new Pith sketchbook last week, and decided to be bold and embrace that first page. However, I quickly noticed that I was harbouring secret expectations of it being a masterpiece (despite what I’ve just told you, old habits die hard), but quickly put a stop to that when I accidentally rested my painting hand in pink acrylic paint and transferred a generous daub onto the paper.
These days I’m cheerful about the fact that my sketchbooks will always be working books, full of exciting illustrations and also mistakes and things I did when I was bored and then hated. When you give yourself permission to use a sketchbook in this way it alleviates so much pressure from creating something that has to be perfect. A permission slip to make a mess, or mistakes, can give way to all kinds of exciting new things emerging, it breaks down the barriers and allows us to explore our creativity without boundaries.
I also firmly believe a sketchbook is a vital place from which to grow and develop your skills, however you choose to use it. The white pages will fill up with a visual journey of your life as an artist, with inspiring sketches, colour palettes, different mediums and subject matter. To me, whatever the style, a sketchbook eventually becomes a wonderful work of art in its own right.
